The Windsor Hum

Downriver Detroit - Zug Island

I came across the story of the Windsor Hum while reading this week’s MacLeans. The story is terrifying. A vibrational hum can be heard all across the city of Windsor, prompting complaints, migraines, and even more shittyness associated with a generally terrible place. An industrial brown note reverberating across Canada’s asshole, as it were. 

Seismologists under direction of a local politician performed tests and decided the sound emanates from or near the not-at-all-ominously named ZUG ISLAND, only a few hundred metres from Windsor’s shores on the American side of the river. 

After initially working with the Windsor politician to determine and, presumably, eliminate the sound; all communication from the River Rouge side (home of ZUG ISLAND) ceased. The city claims to lack funding required to further investigate the source, though one can’t help but assume there is a lack of political will at play as well. US Steel owns most of the facilities on ZUG ISLAND and represents a rare employer in this dystopian paradise. 

What could the source of this mysterious, window-rattling hum be? I have a few theories.

Either the US Army, facing growing desertion and suicide rates, is building a battalion of Orcs deep beneath the Detroit River. The metallurgists produce these hideous warbeasts and their crude weaponry in droves, ready to unleash them two-by-two to carry out the terrible will of the 1%. 

Or perhaps US Steel won a single bid auction for the lucrative adamantium defense contract. State-of-the-art blast furnaces churn out thousands of pounds of this other-worldly metal, hoping to outfit the next generation of supersoldiers with metal unlike any seen on this green Earth. 

One of those two things is the most likely, because NO WAY an actual municipality would turn a blind eye to constant, unexplained but tangible shaking of their entire town. No way. That wouldn’t happen. At no point would the thirst for jobs outweigh quality of life concerns of two cities in the first world in 2011. 

This is for sure how the zombie apocalypse starts, by the way. Worse yet, when the undead begin roaming the streets of Detroit and Windsor, NO ONE WILL NOTICE as they’ll look exactly like the lifeless husks drizzling out of the casinos and the poor, forgotten souls of most malnourished city in North America.